Category Archives: Being The Change

Why I feel there is an urgent need to equality?

This is my story.

Because i was born in a very open-minded family, i never felt that my brother was given an extra piece of cake or an extra glass of milk. We were equals and i think this has given our relationship a very firm foundation . Although i belonged to a family which was very open minded and school so liberal that i owe them a lifetime, i ended up meeting a  few people who would often tell me ‘Tum ladki ho na, Ladkiyan aise nahi karti, That’s too much for a girl to take’

But i took it like a challenge anyway. My school was next to my house and i had not really seen the real world until i joined college which was a bit far. I would take a rickshaw to the railway station and then board a train after which i had to walk almost three quarters of a kilometer to reach college. College was fun but it was in this process of going to college and coming back, i had weird experiences. I was unaware of how this new world would treat me.

I would notice people staring at me, ogling at me and i found that so uncomfortable that sometimes i would go home and sob in my pillow, i didn’t know why it felt bad but it indeed was devastating. Sometimes this crap would be taken to a complete new level, people would whisper demeaning comments and  disappear in the crowd and i’d be all annoyed and startled and stung. Why? Why? Was all i thought.

Days passed and i got used to the whole ‘ i will stare at you as much as i can thing’ and learnt to ignore it. We don’t have any other option, do we?

I came to degree college and here things got worse. I never thought i would write it but i am doing it anyway.

In the beginning i never felt anything of this sort because i wasn’t judging anyway. Moreover it never struck my mind. Who knew i would have to face this!

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Eventually i realized that people not only keep nick names to my body parts (I mean are you not happy with the names given in our language) but also would yell out those names when the lights went out and i would only lie in my bed and stare at the sky and weep with open eyes. My heart broke because every time i  walked on the road i would hear distant roars of nicknames of my own body parts. How much of a wonderful person are you to make someone feel ashamed of themselves?

I began hating every nerve and artery  of my body. I would refuse to look in the mirror because i would see the face that had got me all the suffering, all those sleepless nights and humiliation. And all the embarrassment in front of over a thousand students.

I would imagine people looking at me and recollecting my new names. Heart ache? yes.

Worst thing? i didn’t know those people and i still don’t know who they are.

They were having fun and i? what about me? I wanted to find out who these people were and see if they are perfect, see if i can keep names to them. I am incapable of such madness.

The worse was yet to come. These cat calls grew at lightning speed and hence decreased my self confidence.

People who told me were my friends, would also catcall, would bitch about me, and never stood by me in public. What should i do with your sympathies that you give me over the phone? Are you consoling me for having a vagina? thank you for your sympathies but i am afraid i don’t need any.

People would apologize to me in private for not STANDING by me as they were  AFRAID OF THE CONSEQUENCES. The consequence is nothing but an ailing country and failing humanity.

I was rotting in this manner, wouldn’t eat at all. Would always lie in my bed fearing that if i dared to go out, people would again stab me in my soul. I was afraid that i would never recover. I am still afraid that i won’t.

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Anyway, because they didn’t have theirs i grew mine and fought back. If they believed i was ugly i had to show it to them. Anything more intimidating than a woman who is ready to fight back? i doubt. Anyway the aggression grew. More catcalls more shitty pieces of advice.

“Tum ladkon se baat karti ho isliye”

“Tum dupatta nahi pehenti isliye”

“Tumhe seedhi saadhi ladki ki tarah rehna chahiye”

“Tumhara boyfriend nahi hai isliye”

The list is endless. But i wasn’t going to back out. I still cried in bed, never told my mom anything because i was afraid of how awful she might feel but in spite of everything i knew one thing, if i didn’t stand for myself today, i would hate myself for the rest of my life. I’ll destroy myself but i won’t quit. Which i didn’t. Complained to the authorities and got shit done. Yes they told me it was my fault, i told them it was my mother’s fault, she should have killed me before i was born. I had no idea this ever happened to anyone at all..

Just wondering if this is how the Indian culture believes in treating its women. I have severe doubts on that.

anyway not saying that i grew out of all the slut-shaming. I still face it, not as often as back then but i have chosen to fightback. Which i will.

Because if we don’t stand for ourselves nobody will. And no prince charming is going to come and save you. You have to be your own savior.

Last but not the least

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I don’t want a female child, because..

Yes i have been trying hard to explain why having an open mind is essential to our, the country’s and the world’s overall development, then why would i ever say that i don’t want a female child!!!
Wait before you draw conclusions, maybe i could explain if you came along..

IMG_20141007_205003Because many people many a times have made me feel that way 

I grew up in a very healthy environment, but there were always things that were not meant to be done by us girls. But that didn’t make me feel offended, i accepted those as a part of my life. As i grew up from being a kid to an adolescent, things changed. Awfully.

You cannot get out of the house late because

1. Acchi ladkiyaan aisa nahi karti

2. Koi chura k le jayega

3. Rape ho jayega 

4. Duniya badi kharab hai beta. Jawan ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai

Wait wait wait. Excuse me, acchi ladkiyaan aisa nahi karti toh kaise karti hai? Am i a thing, a commodity that might get robbed? Rape, is a matter-of-fact. Jawan? From a new born to an 80 year old, who the hell is safe?

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I in no way doubt how much people who tell me all this care about me. I know they don’t want me to go through bad things, that they want to save me from a world which is infinitely cruel. But till when are they gonna be with me! In day light under the morning  sun women get molested!

Have you ever met a girl who hasn’t ever been molested? Then you possibly have met a girl who has never gone outta the house, or the one who lies? Several men who pass by try to touch, we are taught to ignore. Sometimes when things are too obvious , when somebody pinches are presses hard and it aches then we cry over it for an hour, think about it for days and move on until something else comes up again.

If everyone reading this is A SAINT then who is the sinner dammit? Move on, we have to. We have to accept this world the way it is, the way it has been but till when. My grandmother says Mumbai was much safer back in her youth. If the situation has been deteriorating at an awfully exponential rate then i guess my daughter is at a risk i can barely imagine! Because i wouldn’t want her to go through these things. I don’t want her to feel ashamed that she has breasts while her brother doesn’t. My love for her wouldn’t be any less. But my fear for her safety would be the quadruple of my love for her and that i believe is the MOST PATHETIC GIFT this era has given us.

This country cannot develop if its public fears to come out of its shell and face the world. So much talent is wasted, so much potential of no use just because you couldn’t eliminate sexual desperation and sexist philosophy out of a nation which ironically prays to Goddesses, where out of 33 crore Gods which the Hindu mythology is made of, the one that resembles power is a GODDESS, is a woman. This indeed is the greatest irony which i wouldn’t have time to sob on because i shall be busy investing my tears on the fact that i wasn’t blessed with a beard.

LOL just kidding, I want a female child, i am gonna get her trained in Karate and she shall screw a lot of people, I am not getting my own female child, i am adopting one; because empowering is in a way giving an opportunity, which i certainly shall.

Daughter of a lion, was a lioness shall always be, cheers! 🙂

 

Bold And Beautiful

That we are in this world because we were meant to be, even if i didn’t know who my father was i would have still been alive, would still love coffee, would still read books, love Beatles, dance, sing and of course write.

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I write this post for all the bold and beautiful woman out there who not only inspire me to inculcate more gratitude but also motivate me to bring a change, to be the change. An era where i type this post and the moment I click on the publish button, this message reaches all of you with lightening speed, into your reader and (i hope) later into your hearts.

We live in a world which tries hard to go faster than the clock. Every single morning starts with the rattling of vessels, gushing water in bathroom tubs and millions of flushes being pulled every second.  Yes, life isn’t easy. We have our own issues. Pending bills, room rent is to be paid, insurance premiums, investments need renewal, school fees, electricity bill.. The list never ends and so does our desire of keeping the fight on. It’s a struggle we love to get in, every moment, all the time.

From the pani puri wala on the corner of the street to the hot shot SUV which nearly stamped your feet, everyone is fighting, striving to live, higher and fuller. But many a times we forget that we are all equals, that the one who made us made us all without being partial, that everyone has the same heart that leaps with joy and weeps in pain.

This one video i sincerely feel everyone must see

If the one who made us is our Father then why is ‘a girl’s father’ an issue of national importance. Why is a woman judged on the basis of who her father is? Why does this irrational attitude overshadow talent and humanity?

I read this wonderful article about daughters of sex workers. Painful as it is, i really hope that people understand the true aspects of our lives are being happy and spreading happiness. That we are in this world because we were meant to be, even if i didn’t know who my father was i would have still been alive, would still love coffee, would still read books, love Beatles, dance, sing and of course write.

Break the chains people. Get out of the shackles of ignorance that shoves us into darkness. The sky is dark so that we rise and shine.