All posts by Nidhi

About Nidhi

Passion drives me ahead... i believe in believing in myself and that only i can make or break my life.. i adore art in all its forms, specially the ones which are penned down :D I believe in the brotherhood of the whole world and dream of a day when no geographical and political boundary shall interfere in our growth and the world shall one day harmonize!

On arranged marriages

You talk of marriage like you talk of going to a park
I dress my best hoping for sunshine and the fragrance of geraniums
I think of hopping around and the swaying of my body on the swing
I dream of the song of birds, the smell of the earth
I hope a butterfly will come flapping to rest on my shoulder

You talk of marriage like you talk of going to a park
Forgetting that it rains and the sun goes out
Forgetting that swings break but life goes on
The birds they fly away, the earth dries up
The butterflies don’t adorn worn out flowers

You talk of marriage like you talk of going to a park
As if it’s something that’ll solve every problem
As if it’s what life truly is for
As if I will suddenly know why my heart beats the way it does
And I’ll know all the secrets it has hidden from me for so long

You talk of marriage like you talk of going to a park
When everywhere around me they only fall apart
You told me stories of my prince in shining armour forbidding him his humanity
And I must choose mine from a stack of pictures on the basis of his vanity
What happens when I know that the prince like me is in need of an armour

A 19 year old’s view of how kindness and empathy are our strongest weapons in the fight against mental health problems.

Guest post by Himanshu Pande

A lot of things recently hit my mind when the topic about ‘Depression’ ‘Suicide’ or ‘Suicidal Tendencies’ was brought upon. To be vulnerably honest I myself am Depressed and Suicidal and I find it really hard to talk to someone about it for several reasons. Today, when I woke up in the morning, I read about the tragic death of Chester Bennington(Linkin Park Lead Vocalist) and I was devastated and heartbroken and as I was reading the posts on social media I found some very unpleasantly rough comments about people committing suicide which stated that suicide is ‘Cowardly’ and ‘People with depression need to get over it and not destroy others lives by killing themselves.’ 

I first would like to put forth the fact that depression is not just the matter of feeling sad and being suicidal is not something that just comes up out of the blue. In my experience it is years of pain and personal struggle that puts a person in a situation he can’t run from. For most, suicide is the way of ending the pain they feel and it’s understandable that it is a Permanent action to a temporary problem, but why should anyone call it an act of cowards? Taking your own life is an act of cowards? Are you kidding me? “Suicide is Cowardly” inspires shame and it does not really make sense, most people fear death and I’m not trying to call suicide brave or courageous but overcoming the fear of death does not strike me as cowardly. It only means that the pain incurred by the disease inspires the need to relieve onself which is stronger than the fear of death. That only explains the gravity of the situation, the need for desperate measures to be taken to help people going through this life threatening disease that so easily gets camoflauged in everyday life. 

There are ways in which we can help the ones feeling that way but sometimes the message goes in the wrong direction. “I want to kill myself “ these five words are a shock to hear and a dreadful pronouncement from a person you don’t want to lose and leaves you with the question “How could they want to die?” Calling it an act of cowards or telling them that “Things could be worse” doesn’t help at all. It only leaves them in a more difficult position. Any emotional thought can come to you and as we all are humans over here we can feel betrayed, angry, lost, sad, hurt, but we can’t control the emotions flowing in our heads. What a person can control is his action and response towards a certain activity. If someone discloses you that they are suicidal and you think you really want to help, please ask yourself the question ‘How should I help him without causing any harm to his mind?’ and then go for it. If you really think that you want to make people stop thinking about suicide the quintessential thing is to stop making people feel bad about them, stop the ruthless act of bullying or body shaming. 

If you care about someone let them know that you’re there for them whether depressed or not.

Depression or suicidal thoughts don’t look for a person’s status and can happen to anyone. If by any chance you think that the jokes you make or the friendly insults you sue for your friends and other loved ones is hurting them in some way, please stop using them. Depression doesn’t discriminate. If you care about someone let them know that you’re there for them whether depressed or not. Be kind to every person you know because it is necessary. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the world which in some years might end up as the leading cause. What does it take to be a nice person? Nothing. Even if you’re not in touch with someone you care let them know that you’re there for them and trust me nothing is better than hearing these words from a person you care for. 

Mental health has to be taken more seriously

Make every day a Mental Health Day and change the way you look at a person suffering from a mental health disorder. Lend a helping hand and stop the reckless acts of discrimination and bullying. Stop insulting people for the things they don’t have a remind them in pleasant way of all the good things they have. Take some action against these bullies who take Mental Health Disorders as a joke or as a disease that doesn’t matter and more importantly fight for yourself and the ones you love and rise. Let this message go viral and reach every corner of the world that mental health has to be taken more seriously. 

The Curse

I wish I knew better but I don’t 

Nothing can change it now 

I love you and that makes the world go round 

I love you and that’s what each of my breath means 

I love you like a loner loves the moon but only less grand because I could’ve had you 

I love you, you could be the tide to my sea but you ran away, would the tides give up on the sea? 

You pretend like you’ve got the best of both world’s and I’m over here trying

Trying so hard to make you feel good for the decisions you’ve made!

But why my dear why do I try so hard even when these words that I write here will be seen by all but you 

Why do I try so hard

 Why when I hear your voice I wanna help you and not curse you for deserting me 

Because I love you but isn’t that punishment of the dreamer,

The loner,

To see the sun rise alone, when you’re not by my side

Just wanted to say hi

It’s been a long time since I posted here. And I almost regret not posting. I wrote plenty specially in the second half of 2016 but it was a ruthless bitch to me and I had zero motivation.

What I hate about trusting people is that once I do I always feel betrayed. It takes a lot of effort for me to trust anybody and when I finally do, something goes wrong and I’m back to square one my brain telling my heart “I told you so”. 

Meh. Irrespective I’m at least glad that no matter how fucked up last year was I didn’t give up. Neither on myself nor on the people I love. And if they chose to desert me it’s their own business. I’m with myself and with books and coffee and a word editor I’m good to go. 

I have a friend who often asks me why I write about things that are personal, what is there to write otherwise. Fiction is important, it’s a major part of my life I’m a borderline crazy person when it comes to reading but i feel the need to express my life in words and hey my blog my rules.

I hope you are fine my reader, and I hope you have a nice day. Leave a comment below so I can read your blog too! 

Love and peace, 

Nidhi

Xx

Tell me

I believed you when you told me you wanted all of me 

But you couldn’t handle the truth 

I believed you when you told me you’ll stay 

But you couldn’t keep your promise

I believed you when you said I was beautiful

But you showed me how I’m a shattered mirror

I believed you when you told me that you love me

But you lied. You lied. You lied every time. 

I wanted to cross the oceans for you but you’ve thrown me in this ditch

And now you’re gone and I’m alone. Lie to me, will you?

 Tell me that you’re still there

Tell me I’m not irreparably broken 

Tell me my heart can make it through this pain

Tell me you never lied. Tell me. Please will you? 

That this is a nightmare.

That there’s hope.

That there’s love.

Tears

And no matter how much I cry sometimes the memory refuse to fade, the ache refuses to die 

A million tears I’ve cried and I shall cry all my life 

Regret is the most painful of all wounds for it never heals completely 

And every once in a while someone touches that part of your heart and the wound comes to life again 

Throbs and hurts as if someone’s pinching it ruthlessly 

Never heals. All we have is our tears, at least that nobody can steal from me

There’s a reason why the bluebird is caged in my heart

To not love was my mistake, to hold back was my folly but today I’m tempted to do the same 

I’m afraid of love because I know how much it can hurt 

I’m afraid of care because I know it’s absence shall haunt me 

Where do I go? What shall I do? Why not write these words down. It’s truly said the worst poetry comes out of a feeling heart. 

And while I write these down and my tears blur the ink, knowing one day you’ll love me and I hope it won’t be too late by then. 

I hope I won’t have given up by then and strangled the bluebird in my heart

Today

Today I want to write

But I’m afraid

If I let my words out

I’d break into pieces
Today I want to sing

The song my heart 

Has been humming 

But I’m worried

It will be gone if I do 
Today I am going 

To stay in my self

Not tell you words

Or rhymes and rhythms 
Today I shall sleep 

And not care about tomorrow

Or of what shall become of me 
Today I know you love me

And that’s enough, enough for me to breathe

For your love

Everyday I meet you I feel like I know you a little more 

And the days I don’t, I realise how in you there are worlds I get lost in 

That I find you at places you’ve taken me to and the fragrance of certain flowers pulls my soul to you 

And as I’m lost in you the way I am, I love how you let my ink breathe and flourish 

I love how my thoughts shape themselves in tune to the roads of this maze that is your heart 

I know tonight is full of longing and despair, for I shall reach out to you and you won’t be there 

I know I don’t know how long this longing is, I know I don’t know a great deal of your soul 

But every time you tell me I’m fueled by emotions, I shall show you the marks you’ve left on my heart 

And every time I let the wine caress my throat, you must know it only takes your name 

I had once told the world I don’t believe in love but today I know it is love that keeps me alive 

It is this love of unsaid words, that tells me I can let my heart sing once again 

And if there is one thing worth fighting for, I know it is your love 

And if there is one thing worth all my longing, I know it is your smile

And for you I will cross the oceans a thousand times, time and distance mean nothing. 

📞 Calling All Angels

​​”Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears for they are rain upon the blinding dust of the earth, overlying our hard hearts.”

~ Charles Dickens

I’m afraid I don’t have the energy to think too much, I’m tired like I’ve been running all day. I’ve seen the sun and the rain, the evening breeze did help my flaming soul, I’m grateful and I’m blessed. 

I’m blessed with love with an honest heart. And long back when D. H. Lawrence said in Lady Chatterley’s lover that I don’t want a woman who does not piss and shit or is afraid to admit she does, I found it sweet and romantic but now it occurs to me how deep and important that lesson is. 

Of all things we’re afraid of, the most frightening is the truth. Unchangeable. Unyielding. To be adored is beautiful but to be accepted is such a strong emotion that it literally shakes the foundations of anything you’ve ever felt. 

I was told that to be capable of loving someone is to find solace in this world. Maybe that is true but what do we do of a heart that at one moment begs to be conquered and at the other strives to be free
“You pierce my soul. I’m half agony, half hope.” ~ Jane Austen

I’m calling all angels to bring me some respite. I’m calling all angels to hold me as I fall asleep tonight.

Unashamedly.

As I sit at this bar stool leaning over my drink, typing these words incessantly on my phone, I can feel the world slowly fade away behind me. Sipping cranberry flavoured vodka, I let my words scream louder than the electronic dance music that’s being blasted. They need to be released so here I am. 

From a very young age I have been aware of the fact that women are treated a bit differently, condescendingly, inhumanly in that order. Eventually it was the books I read that told me about this fight, which has been fought since time immemorial, which is constantly being fought each second. For every time I read something sexist, something demeaning; I’ve come across people who support women, some partial towards, some even put them at a higher pedestal than men. 

The important thing to understand is that this war, this fight for being treated as one is born, is not confined to the conventional ways in which women are constantly told they aren’t good enough. A woman must be treated as an individual, an individual who is bad at one thing and possibly good at several others and vice versa. The fight for my place in the society has to be fought everyday, but a woman’s fight is not against men. It’s against anyone who tells her she isn’t worth being free, it’s against anyone who tells her that her flaws are because of her genitals. 

Why? Why are we constantly ashamed of being ourselves? I constantly meet women who don’t want to be seen eating too much or wanting too much sex. I meet women who are ashamed of liking things just because they fall in the stereotypical category of ‘women like’. Women who are ashamed of loving one man, women who are ashamed of wanting many. Women ashamed of not wanting a child, women ashamed of wanting women. Why are we so ashamed of the things we love? Why should we not love things and yell that we love them from rooftops till we fill the sky with our love? What’s holding us back? 

No I’m not ashamed of wanting a man who is capable of treating me like a woman. I’m not ashamed of holding a hand that gives me strength. I’m not ashamed of being loved for my flaws, I’m not ashamed of being accepted, cherished even. I don’t want a man who tells me I can’t. I don’t want a man who’s afraid of the energy my soul contains. I want a man who pushes me, who challenges me, who’s at one time my anchor holding me and at the other a mirror showing me who I truly am. I want a man who is unashamed of loving a woman in her entirety. I have, rather.