I’m not afraid to admit that I’m afraid. But I don’t know what is it that’s making me feel like something has changed. I feel like I’ve lost this heavy weight from my shoulders, like burning old painful letters by the lake.
And I know that possibly this anxiety is actually the beginning of new things. Maybe it is the aftereffect of finally coming out of a state of denial and self blame. Why shouldn’t my soul be scared for after staying in the cage for an era, I’ve come out and there’s so much air that I can’t breathe.
My time here is short and there are several things to be done. I always kept myself busy tending to others’ wounds because I didn’t have the courage to look at my own. I was afraid I’d lose hope, that I won’t be strong anymore or even that I might look down upon my own self. But you made me look at them, and if today was my last day I’d at least feel happy that I embraced the flaws in my destiny.
I have a million thoughts moving in my head like a whirlwind, so much that some of them I only feel like a tickling wave in my brain. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I don’t know what the future is, I don’t know if I’m ever going to make it to the finish line. But one thing that I’m sure about is that I’m free from the clutches of memories I’d hidden in my pillow cover. Maybe I will take some time to get rid of the influence they have on my soul, but they no longer hold me back.
Even if tomorrow is going to be dramatically different from today, even if the sun starts to set in the east and I stop being a coffee fiend, I will choose you a thousand times and more, not because you own me, because you set me free.