To be misunderstood brings in loneliness which is almost crippling.. It is like a heavy reptile that roams about your being, its scales pushing deep into your skin, crushing every nerve it falls upon and all you can do is sit there all by your own and let it ruin you.
Was it self inflicted? Possibly. To say that I didn’t want a companion is cold denial. I pushed boundaries and let him in.. Let people dwell at least for some time in the intimacy of my thoughts. But every time this happened, I would always feel that they aren’t accepting this darkness, this chaos of my wandering thoughts. I did find some who did accept these wanderings.. But I let them go. Compromise is not what must happen, for I’d do it myself if that is what my heart yearns.
Genuineness and spontaneity are lost jewels. Stereotypes are stinging. And often stuck in this web I end up where I am.. Here. Alone. Lost in the silence of the dark sky. Very much aware of my own life, of a heart that beats with a rhythmical continuity which is almost mesmerizing.