Don’t you cry for the lost, smile for the living.
Well this is one very sensitive aspect of our lives. Something that we never want to think about until we really face it. Until it has been pushed on us.
Death? The Leveler (James Shirley). Cold heart-ed. No-heart-ed. Adjectives are endless shades of dark, cruel and inevitably soul piercing. A heartless bastard who takes a part of you away, a void is created, a vacuum which shall always remain. A beast who can’t see you in love. A shadow of hell perhaps.
Well. The madness of these adjectives and descriptions has to stop. Stop. Take. A. Deep. Breath. Yeah! Now let’s begin afresh.
A warm hug to you, you and you. Anyone and everyone who felt doomed, shaken and betrayed because it was death, the ultimate robber, the invincible fiend who took your loved ones away from you. I felt doomed astonishingly many times. Severely twice.
The first time i was introduced to the whole concept of someone leaving you and never coming back was someone very near to me. My father. Ten years ago. My grandfather, quiet recently. My heart winces a little as i write, but i will complete this nevertheless.
For some of us, our fate has been too hard on us. We didn’t have the remotest of all ideas that such a thing might strike on us. That suddenly the next day you wake your whole world would have changed, in a way destroyed, in another dismantled. For others it had been long anticipated, the ache is the same, just the form is different.
Who knows when, when is the last time you are saying goodbye to someone you love. Who knows when is the last time you are looking into their eyes, so full of emotions because if death takes over, they’d be lifeless and saying nothing.
Yes. How this affects us is cruel but how we let it affect us is what makes the real difference. Ten years ago when i was a ten year old, i couldn’t really understand the meaning of death. It was something beyond my scope of comprehension. When it occurred, i knew i had been struck. Memories were overflowing. I would keep forgetting that he isn’t a part of us anymore and tears would sting my eyes at the oddest of all hours, leaving me embarrassed and vulnerable.
1. Empathy v/s Sympathy
I kept going through this for a long time. People changed. Their behavior had changed. Some would look at us with sympathy, others with disgust. The sympathy only infuriated me, the disgust only left me puzzled. I mean . YES I LOST MY DEAR ONE, BUT I CAN DO MY SHIT ON MY OWN!
Empathy and sympathy are two different things. The moment you sympathise with them is the moment you are inviting serious outrage. ‘You don’t have to feel sorry for me.’
If you are going through such a situation, sometimes sympathies are tempting. Beware, it’s a trap. It’ll only make you emotionally parasitic, hollowing you from inside, making it difficult to recover.
2. Cry your heart out
It is okay to not be okay sometimes. If it hurts, cry it out! Stop swallowing hard on the lump in your throat. It’s essential to go with the flow. Let it go, every thing that holds you back must go. Till when shall you hold a storm inside you, if not released it’ll only destroy you.
3. Don’t look for consolation
Nobody will give you the consolation you need. It cannot be enough! It isn’t your favorite pen that you have lost! It’s darn more! You cannot expect someone to heal your wounds. At the same time you cannot be ungrateful. The fact that they want to console you is also the fact that they care. Hold onto people who care dammit! (But don’t suck their blood! Come on!)
4. Stop crying your heart out
You CAN’T cry all your life. No matter how much you cry, it is NEVER going to erase the scars that their absence has left. You can’t keep filling you dustbin with tissue papers.
Get up. Look at yourself in the face. You are not weak. He has given you a tough storm because He believes you can go through a tough storm. Don’t make Him feel He was wrong.
Get your shit together!
5. Make their presence felt
Your loved ones always yearned for your happiness and success. Realise their dreams, so what if they can’t be there to celebrate it with you? Look for their presence in the happiness of others. Do your share, contribute to someone’s happiness in their name. Adopt a pet; find a new hobby. Do anything you feel would make them happy. Their happiness will give you happiness. This is how the world goes ahead. Let your heart decide.
Because life goes on
And even if i’m not there tomorrow
I’d still hope your laughter would fill
All the air around you
And I would still wish
It is only happiness that surrounds you
I have gone away from the world
Which was at times bitter, at other times sweet
But I’m still somewhere near your heart
Calm down, death isn’t a defeat
It in fact is a river we cross
Who knows what shall lay ahead
Nevertheless, no matter what
You’ll be in my thoughts when i’m going to bed
So even if i’m not there tomorrow
Even if my memories fade away
I’ll be there somewhere
Always smiling and wishing the best for you
Love, to everyone.