Monthly Archives: February 2015

Darkness Lifts His Hat


Tomorrow when you feel dull and sad
And when you feel you have lost it all
Just look back in time and you’ll know
How important it is to fall

Your first bicycle ride, you scratched you knees
And elbows and face full of mud
Would you ever learn to ride?
If you wouldn’t have fallen with a thud

When the first time you asked her for a date
And how she turned you down
If you wouldn’t have faced it then
You wouldn’t be with the love you found

For pain brings pleasure maybe a bit late
So watch out for the signs it brings
And for the mean while you could call it fate
And hear the nightingale sing

And when the dark clouds shall be gone
Tomorrow or maybe a little after that
And when all the light shall be shone
You’ll see darkness bowing and lifting his hat


Why Akhil Is One Of The Best Things That Happened To Me ?


The most important thing? Many many happy returns of the day.

Now the rest

We cannot divide people into two categories, the extroverts and the introverts. The reason why i am strictly against this categorization is the fact that I am one of those who lie in the grey between the two. The extroverts that are emotionally introverts. I apologize. But i am helpless.

The only good to this is that i cant write it down. Things that i feel and the best part is, i can escape the awkward phase in which i have to see their reaction. I think it’s a blessing to you too because my reaction on your reactions (given my super expressive face) only makes things worse.

Coming back. I could quote a million reasons why i found a wonderful person in you but here i try (try try try try) to sum it up (a bit)

You taught me that it was okay to be an outcast

I was different. I didn’t follow the popular culture. I didn’t crack popular jokes, i didn’t laugh at jokes which i didn’t find funny. I was the girl whose nose would rather be in her book than in anyone’s business which also turned out as a girl who was always disinterested in being friends with anyone and thought much of herself (wrong.)
But he taught me that it was okay to be what i am and i didn’t really had to sweat about this small silly stupid thing.

You taught me that it was sexy to be real

That i didn’t have to hide behind curtains. That to feel what i feel and to say what i feel isn’t a taboo but a blessing. I had never seen such a straightforward person. Maybe he didn’t know what he was thinking. Maybe there was no plan and no strategy behind all this but whatever came out of his mouth was true and real. Was something that he felt and that you and me or anyone at all didn’t have to worry about being judged in front of him.

That life goes on.

Yes maybe we face things others have not. Possibly we are different and we are learning. That shit couldn’t keep happening forever and the madness would eventually stop. That holding on to a feeling, a person or a situation will only hinder your progress and won’t fetch you anything better. Because he knew above the dark, the sun was rising.

That we need to break our own barriers

The biggest hurdle in our own happiness is us ourselves. We can overcome our shortcomings to become a better us and that in no way means that i have to be ashamed of the current me. In fact i should be proud of myself, at least i am trying. This indeed is the first thing that comes to my mind when i think about him and i think this is one thing which is very important for all of us to learn. Something that radically changed my life.


I cannot remember having a friend with whom i could be myself to this level. I can share anything i want, anything i feel with him, without the fear of being judged. I could call him up 3 am in the night and i know he would be there for me. I know even if there is nothing he can do about my problems he would always listen intently, understand my situation and most importantly.. My feelings.

And if you have earned such a friend in your life, well done bro and if you haven’t, here is the standard set for you. This is how a friend should be, always making you a better person, always teaching you to move ahead.

Even if i don’t call you (Akhil) all the time, i might not text you everyday. But that i doesn’t mean. lala lalala i don’t know. You get it, right?  😀

Love you more. Wishing you all the happiness in the world.

Your stupid friend


There Is Nothing Like Too Much Of Anything We Love

You read too many books, how? You watch too many movies, why? You listen to too much music, how? Your garden will become a jungle soon if you keep gardening! Where the hell are you getting so much money from to travel? Working out so much, I’m shocked i can see you. Too many pets, is your house a zoo?


Calm the hell down people.

1. You read too many books, how?

Umm.. I use my eyes and try to co ordinate it with my brain! Duh!

Well i do read a lot of books because I LOVE reading a lot of books. Not that I’m jobless. I wake up early in the morning, finish my chores and assignments on time, read while travelling. Read while i have a free lecture, maybe during lunch if am alone. At the bus stop while waiting for my bus.

Yes i don’t have  a huge group of people to take selfies with. Because i like my own stuff. I like reading. Yes i don’t groom up like other people do but all that is by choice. Because i want to do what i love ALL THE TIME! So i find time for it! If we love someone, we always have time for them, if we love something we always have time for it! Duh!

2. You watch too many movies, why?

Umm.. Because i like watching movies. Duh!

Yes i love movies, possibly i am interested in photography, intrigued by cinematography and enjoy how a human being indifferently becomes a completely different person onscreen. Yes i have a job, or i go to college. I save every penny i can. I don’t buy popcorn in the cinema hall. But i try grabbing  a movie every time i can. Because that ishh makes me happy. And your question seems as invalid as your existence to me. But i answered you anyway.

3. Your garden will become a jungle soon if you keep gardening!

Sure. Then we could play Jumanji Jumanji maybe. Maybe then you could get shot by the hunter.

I sacrifice sleep and wake up early to take care of my small garden. I sacrifice Sundays and get the best manure i can for my love. Because i love them and i love doing it. And i don’t know where the jungle logic comes from. God bless your wild imagination.

4. Where the hell are you getting so much money from to travel?

Umm.. I earn it because stealing and plundering is illegal

I love travelling and i want to go around the world. I save money, i avoid buying unwanted stuff, i work on holidays, i work extra hours sometimes to save all the money i need to travel. Trust me i am not really satisfied. The thirst to discover the world on my own is insatiable. And my patience to answer your question more elaborately is on the edge.

5. Working out so much, I’m shocked i can see you.

Oh. I. See.

I love working out because it gives me a positive sense of satisfaction, brilliant energy and patience to deal with my job. Because i do have a job! And a life! Living healthy has more mental than physical impact. No i am not working out because i want to look hot. Maybe working out might help broadening your narrow mind.

6. Too many pets, is your house a zoo?

You could come for a visit.

I love my pets, i treat them like family, i spend a lot on them because i get genuine love back in return. Yes a lot of people are jealous of the kind of unconditional love my pets give me, they keep feeling i am a zoo keeper. The truth is i am a keeper (Take hints)

7. You listen to too much music, how?

Umm.. Ears maybe?

This question is stupid. Go get a life. F off.

Dealing With Death

Don’t you cry for the lost, smile for the living.


Well this is one very sensitive aspect of our lives. Something that we never want to think about until we really face it. Until it has been pushed on us.

Death? The Leveler (James Shirley). Cold heart-ed. No-heart-ed. Adjectives are endless shades of dark, cruel and inevitably soul piercing. A heartless bastard who takes a part of you away, a void is created, a vacuum which shall always remain. A beast who can’t see you in love. A shadow of hell perhaps.

Well. The madness of these adjectives and descriptions has to stop. Stop. Take. A. Deep. Breath. Yeah! Now let’s begin afresh.

A warm hug to you, you and you. Anyone and everyone who felt doomed, shaken and betrayed because it was death, the ultimate robber, the invincible fiend who took your loved ones away from you. I felt doomed astonishingly many times. Severely twice.

The first time i was introduced to the whole concept of someone leaving you and never coming back was someone very near to me. My father. Ten years ago. My grandfather, quiet recently. My heart winces a little as i write, but i will complete this nevertheless.

For some of us, our fate has been too hard on us. We didn’t have the remotest of all ideas that such a thing might strike on us. That suddenly the next day you wake your whole world would have changed, in a way destroyed, in another dismantled. For others it had been long anticipated, the ache is the same, just the form is different.

Who knows when, when is the last time you are saying goodbye to someone you love. Who knows when is the last time you are looking into their eyes, so full of emotions because if death takes over, they’d be lifeless and saying nothing.

Yes. How this affects us is cruel but how we let it affect us is what makes the real difference. Ten years ago when i was a ten year old, i couldn’t really understand the meaning of death. It was something beyond my scope of comprehension. When it occurred, i knew i had been struck. Memories were overflowing. I would keep forgetting that he isn’t a part of us anymore and tears would sting my eyes at the oddest of all hours, leaving me embarrassed and vulnerable.

1. Empathy v/s Sympathy

I kept going through this for a long time. People changed. Their behavior had changed. Some would look at us with sympathy, others with disgust. The sympathy only infuriated me, the disgust only left me puzzled. I mean . YES I LOST MY DEAR ONE, BUT I CAN DO MY SHIT ON MY OWN!

Empathy and sympathy are two different things. The moment you sympathise with them is the moment you are inviting serious outrage.  ‘You don’t have to feel sorry for me.’

If you are going through such a situation, sometimes sympathies are tempting. Beware, it’s a trap. It’ll only make you emotionally parasitic, hollowing you from inside, making it difficult to recover.

2. Cry your heart out

It is okay to not be okay sometimes. If it hurts, cry it out! Stop swallowing hard on the lump in your throat.  It’s essential to go with the flow. Let it go, every thing that holds you back must go. Till when shall you hold a storm inside you, if not released it’ll only destroy you.

3. Don’t look for consolation

Nobody will give you the consolation you need. It cannot be enough! It isn’t your favorite pen that you have lost! It’s darn more! You cannot expect someone to heal your wounds. At the same time you cannot be ungrateful. The fact that they want to console you is also the fact that they care. Hold onto people who care dammit! (But don’t suck their blood! Come on!)

4. Stop crying your heart out

You CAN’T cry all your life. No matter how much you cry, it is NEVER going to erase the scars that their absence has left. You can’t keep filling you dustbin with tissue papers.

Get up. Look at yourself in the face. You are not weak. He has given you a tough storm because He believes you can go through a tough storm. Don’t make Him feel He was wrong.

Get your shit together!

5. Make their presence felt

Your loved ones always yearned for your happiness and success. Realise their dreams, so what if they can’t be there to celebrate it with you? Look for their presence in the happiness of others. Do your share, contribute to someone’s happiness in their name. Adopt a pet; find a new hobby. Do anything you feel would make them happy. Their happiness will give you happiness. This is how the world goes ahead. Let your heart decide.

Because life goes on

And even if i’m not there tomorrow
I’d still hope your laughter would fill
All the air around you
And I would still wish
It is only happiness that surrounds you

I have gone away from the world
Which was at times bitter, at other times sweet
But I’m still somewhere near your heart
Calm down, death isn’t a defeat

It in fact is a river we cross
Who knows what shall lay ahead
Nevertheless, no matter what
You’ll be in my thoughts when i’m going to bed

So even if i’m not there tomorrow
Even if my memories fade away
I’ll be there somewhere
Always smiling and wishing the best for you

Love, to everyone.

The Girl In Red Heels – XIV

Falling in love with someone who loves you? It isn’t the end, it’s the beginning. I had seen a different phase of life, a different face of the world in days i had spent with her working on her goals with her. I found her attractive, not in the way we see stories of women on Tumblr. Of cute little girls with beautiful curls and picturesque backgrounds.

My girl is different. She sings her favorite songs on the radio out loud, some of them she sings very well. She can spend the whole day cleaning the house and the next day messing it back to square one. She laughs hard, loves harder. She has infinite compassion filled in her and i feel that is what keeps her on track. The more i fall for her, the more she inspires me.

What makes her feel happy? Surprises. If she’s expecting me to give her roses, okay cool she’ll like them. But if some day i buy roses on the way while we have planned dinner together. The expression on her face is, is the expression we want to see on everyone we love. The moment you feel that they can feel your love for them is the moment your relationship is going on the right track.

She is an uptown girl but it isn’t a costly affair. She doesn’t want me to buy shoes for her. She isn’t so much into shopping. She wants me to take her to new places, go on long drives, try new restaurants and cafes. That is what i want too. And that is the best part.

Picture perfect? No. I found myself going back to the state i was in. I would avoid meeting her too often, meeting anyone at all. Work i did, but it didn’t really interest me. I had everything. A loving partner, a happy family, a friendly workplace. Something was killing me.

It isn’t that i didn’t love her. I did. I do. I will always. But it felt like i couldn’t face her, i couldn’t face myself. It made me feel sick in my heart. I wanted to give so much. I wanted to love. I wanted to feel her feeling it. But i couldn’t. As if i was under the clutches of my own self. A part of me that had always pulled me down.

It went on for days, months. We would meet twice a week, hesitant as i was i would try to run away as soon as i can. This got later reduced to one and then i hadn’t met her for two weeks. She was very patient with me, this killed me even more.

One night i returned from office at around 11.30. I was tired. That had been the strategy, to work so hard that you finally fall asleep. As i reached the door of my apartment, i felt strange. As i held the handle so i could insert the key, to my surprise the door was open. I opened the door only to find Tatiana sitting on the sofa with her legs crossed. She wasn’t smiling. I was anticipating a slap but she’s too kind for that.

“Did you eat?” She asked plainly.

“Yeah. ” I said, trying to read her face.



“I had dinner with dad”


I went into the bedroom. I desperately needed a shower. I noticed that she had done a hell lot of cleaning. My wrecked cave was looking like an apartment after months. I quickly showered and changed into my tracks and tee.

“I’ll sleep in the front room, you could use the bed room” I smiled. If you smile unwillingly you look like a creep!

” We could talk for sometime and then sleep” She said softly but i knew it was a demand.

“Actually i am tired..”

” Is there a place i could hide the dead body because if you are daring to argue, i am willing to kill you” She was furious. Shut up and go to the bedroom you ass.

I sat on the bed resting my back against the wall, she sat next to. It was crazy who she deals with things. She said nothing, just put her arm around mine and held my hand. We sat there in midst of the dim yellow lamp light and the hums of the air conditioner. Even when i couldn’t see her face, i felt her happiness. Her presence calmed me down but at the same time there was a hurricane inside ready to explode. It had been 20 minutes and i started feeling uncomfortable. She sensed it. But she didn’t say anything.

She rolled over and hugged me. She wrapped her legs around me, her arms around neck and finally broke the silence.

“What is it?” she said in a whisper.

I struggled to speak but there was a lump in my throat. What could i tell her when i myself am unaware of this misery that has killed me all my life. She withdrew to look at my face. One hand in my hair, her palm on my cheek. She looked into my eyes and i broke down.

I cried loudly. I am afraid i scared her. It wasn’t under my control. I sobbed, inhaled and sobbed again. She pulled me closer, her chin on my head as i endlessly sobbed.

I had lost track of time. I looked at her face through teary eyes. She wiped my tears. It felt like she understood that i had no clue what was happening to me. But you know what the best part is? Her faith in our relationship, her trust in me. Had it been anybody else, insecurities would have easily crept in. She trusted me, which made me stronger.

I didn’t have to say anything but it was that moment i felt her love the most. This was the best thing that had ever happened to me. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

As we melted into a kiss which was more divine than earthly, it was the first time i felt i could come out of whatever this was. It was the first time i felt that i will defeat the demons inside me. Demons that push me back and pull me down.

Love isn’t about the color of her lipstick or the number of abs on your body. It is being someone’s strength when you are yourself broken, it is showing someone the way when you are blinded. It is the reason we win and the reason we lose. And if your love inspires you to win the battle of life, understands things in you which you are unaware of, and holds your hand through every phase you go through, it indeed is love.

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What if

Valentine’s Day is on the corner and you got nobody. Calm the f down. All of us are in the same boat.


I really don’t know about you but ‘I’ have been single since forever and trust me, although i use this ‘i am so damn single’ thing to crack jokes and make people laugh, i certainly am not ashamed of it.

Yes yes yes. It’s the same old story. Better be alone than with the wrong person. Maybe I’m not ready for it. It’s too much of an ordeal and pressure. Ain’t nobody got time fellas (Last one, God damn excuse i know *winks*)

The kinds of couples these days make you feel like ‘Uhh No! It’s tacky and a big no no!’ But anyway if all of us really found someone who could sweep us off our feet I’m sure we’d do it “Why the f not!”

Then. What if. What if you found someone.


No. There’s no background violins playing, no f-ing DDLJ SRK on the guitar. But someone who understands you. Someone who is like. Let’s focus on making the most of this opportunity called life. Someone who is not thinking about asking you out, or getting you laid.  Someone who craves happiness and believes that you could be a part of his. That is what we need. Someone who can be happy in our presence.


Someone who’ll take you to weird and crazy places. He doesn’t have to take you on dates, he doesn’t have to ‘please’ you. He let’s you be yourself, helps you be yourself!  That’s what we want. Exactly what we want. And if you haven’t got that. Stfu and chill with your friends! Or ping me! Valentine’s Day is stay home in pajamas day for me! 😀



Mr. Darcy is there somewhere and the magic is yet to happen. Be yourself. Let’s be worth Mr. Darcy. If you know what i mean.

No, I don’t hate men. Yes I’m a feminist.

Yes I’m a feminist. No i don’t hate men.

I had to write it. Not only because i had almost offended (unintentionally) a couple of people but also that i always wanted the world to know this.

Well of course abla naari (helpless woman) is an image that has been stuck to the fairer sex of the society since forever. Whether painters or writers, doctors or mathematicians, women in the ancient times had been suppressed, had not given opportunities and if at all they dared to come ahead were condemned with great public opinion. I still end up meeting a lot of people who tell me similar things,people who are mean, inhuman and ignorant, who are as ancient as those stories, which is unfortunate and i’d really pray for them.

As responsible women we try to endorse or encourage the idea of a confident woman. Yes we do. But that in no way implies that we are trying to, as some people might ridiculously call it ‘compete’ with men.

There is no competition. The union of both male and female is responsible for the world that exists today, is proof of the fact that we aren’t competitors, we are here to be together. That is what feminism is all about.

The first time i ever met a feminist was my English teacher, whom i’m more than grateful to, for so many things she has done to me and is unaware of. Yes she told me i didn’t have to give up but at the same time was the one who made a much more open minded person.

My father, isn’t my hero. No i wouldn’t call him a hero. He is God to me. I have no idea what exists above but if it someone. I hear a male voice. I feel his presence when i feel His.

My brother, my first love. The first time i ever wanted to protect something, it was my brother. He looked up on me. He loved me and wanted me around. I’d be the hero for him no matter what the world said. No matter how many times i failed. I was still the hero. I still am. This is what love is, if at all it exists in the face of the earth.

My best friends, my support. Two people who come from two completely different worlds but people who have stood by me. Whether the weather was warm or stormy. Nothing mattered. I have cried my heart, i have laughed my lungs out. I have felt at home whenever i was with them. They are men.

Well I’m yet to fall in love but i completely leave it for the time to come.

Whether it is Robin Williams or G. H. Hardy. Inspiration occurs without keeping in mind the sex of the people who inspire us. If Jane Austen would have been a man, I would have loved her as much. Maybe a bit more who knows (winks)

What i mean to say is. Friendship and love are two things that won’t care about your gender. (i don’t know if this is the stupidest sentence ever made but it makes complete sense)

Equality. Is. What. We. Need.

The Sound of Music at 50: The Hills Are Still Alive

Do Re Mi ❤


If you can complete the sentence, “The hills are alive,” and if you learned the phrase “auf wiedersehen” not from Heidi Klum on Project Runway but from the von Trapp children’s evening serenade, it might surprise you to learn that the film version of The Sound of Music was not an immediate critical success. The critical consensus found it saccharine and sentimental at best, a sugarcoated spin on the story it purported to tell.

But time has proven the critics wrong—or if not wrong, at least superseded by popular opinion. In the introduction to a new LIFE book on the movie, The Sound of Music: 50 Years Later, the Hills Are Still Alive, TIME’s film critic Richard Corliss unpacks its unlikely success. Despite its run as a musical alongside more modern shows like West Side Story and the movie’s release in the wake of Beatlemania, Corliss writes, “What…

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