Monthly Archives: January 2015

You are a woman and it’s not a shame TO BE!

Lol. Provocative isn’t it? the heading?

In every walk of life you face it. The whole sexism thing is the sickliest that could ever have happened. Yes my dear, sexism is sickly, not being a woman!

I was blessed enough to be born in this family where we were always treated as equals. Me and my brother. In fact there are times when i feel my parents end up spending less on my brother and more on me!

The point which prevails is are we equals?

Yes! We are! We were created together and i sincerely doubt the greatest of all artists, the maker of universe, the giver of life, the architect the God as we call could have ever been narrow minded.

Anyway not getting into this whole thing ( i could write a god damn book and feel it’s still not enough) let us move ahead.

It is our responsibility to tell our daughters and wives and nieces and sisters and most importantly our friends that being a woman is nothing to be ashamed of.

People will try to pull you down, you might not be paid as must as your male colleagues, they will laugh at you, sometimes cat call at other times insult you and be certainly demeaning.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO STOP!

You cannot teach people a lesson by going to them and explaining them the whole thing. Lol. Seriously you thought of that? These people have gone to school and have read books, watched television and they are aware of what is right and what is wrong. The sad reality is that they CHOOSE  to be wrong. You cannot help someone who has chosen to be wrong.

Just because you like pizza, am i allowed to shove it down your throat? No? exactly. A woman likes sex but no one is calling to be eve teased or molested or raped.

What can you do?

  • If you feel it’s severe. Report to the police.
  • Tell your family so that they are aware of any trouble you’ve been in.
  • There’s nothing to be ashamed of being in trouble. Your family and friends know how the world is.
  • You need to feel sorry for people who are wrong. YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF
  • DO NOT GET DEPRESSED
  • There are good people in this world and there is still hope.
  • Don’t keep it in you and let it eat yourself up
  • You are not just a pretty face. You are not the small boobs, big ass or whatever they call you. No body is perfect and there is no prototype for perfect. There are examples of being inhuman, which are those people who DO NOT deserve your attention
  • They shouldn’t be the last thing you think of, before falling off to sleep.

You might be wondering how am i able to write precisely about it. Because i have felt it and gone through it. I know how it feels and i know that this is a very common thing. I have ruined my nights and i have exploited my days. But i have learnt how to live. I have grown out of it and i am not looking back. Never.

 

 

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Ten Moments When Ashok K. Banker Came out DAMN AWESOME!

Well it so happened that over the past 5 years (as far as i remember about going to the bookstore Crossword near my place in Mumbai) I would always find this guy’s books and not read them. Well the reason why i always picked up his book and never read was that, my mother (being an excellent story teller, there are some stories in which by the end you’ll find yourself sobbing and teary) would often tell me these tales from epics. One of the reasons undeniably was my background as a Brahmin but primarily it was my love for stories and how i would imagine them to be. I had this fascination for them and i was always afraid that i might end up ruining my childhood love affair with them.

Well anyway off late (3 years possibly) i decided to start breaking cliques and read everything with an open mind. This has worked wonders for me although there are books i couldn’t really digest  (Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov)

I went to the railway wheeler, instead of finding ‘Banker’ the guy gave me ‘Bankerupt’ by Ravi Subrahmanian which indeed was a relish to read and i ended up reading all of his work. Anyway later when i finally found ‘The Ten Kings’ my book got stolen at a Barista outlet while i was trying to order a coffee. Yes it’s the only book i’ve ever lost (excluding the books people borrowed and never returned)

I had read maybe the first 50 pages and had certainly liked it. When i saw the Hyderabad Literary Fest page the only author i could recognize was Ashok K Banker (yes i am ashamed of this and have started reading Indian authors and i am certainly loving it). Well i thought who knows I’ll see him. It was only after the writers conversation session that i fell in love with him. How i wish there could have been a recording, you would have known exactly what i mean.

For everyone who doesn’t know him, here is my account.

When i entered the place, the venue i saw this guy (should i write with more respect? well let’s not get into that, he won’t be reading this) talking casually with a couple of people. I sat in the middle section of the hall and quietly waited for the session to begin. I have traveled for 2 hours, don’t you dare disappoint me!

This guy started and I. I fell in love. Here’s why :

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Ten Moments When Ashok K. Banker Came out DAMN AWESOME! (excerpts)

1. When he said “I went looking out for stories that haven’t been told”

“Story telling, or story writing is like travelling in a time machine”

2. When he could laugh at himself and say “I am something you can call ‘An International Pav Bhaji’

Awww. How did you come up with that term? It’s as awesome as you.

3. When he came out confidently as a feminist and said “I wish I could have made my female characters more prominent and dominant”

4. When he couldn’t stop talking about beards and making us laugh but also pointing out the stereo types and having broken it “Let’s not forget that the epics have been written by long bearded old men who lived in forests.”

“I do not understand why people writing anything related to mythology have often been male Hindu Brahmins.”

5. When he said “I slip into the pages like Lewis Carol’s Alice” coming out as an avid reader

or

when he came out as an open minded reader and writer “It is the intent that matters. My intention is to tell a story. I don’t intend to hurt anyone’s sentiments whatsoever.”

6. When he told why he considered himself as a historical fiction writer

“My books have been placed under different sections world wide. I have seen my books in the historical fiction section, mythological, crime and thriller and surprisingly also geography!”

“No matter how much fantasy or the author’s imagination has been put into it, there is some truth in it which distinguishes it from mythological fiction.”

7. When he expressed his thoughts about writing and had me all dreamy

“You have to want it. You have to be called by it”

“It has to grab you by the collar and say, ‘do me'” damn this joke he cracked, he was certainly expecting laughter! i laughed i swear 😀 

“A writer needs courage. I don’t write with a shot of whisky, i don’t take tea or coffee” reminded me of Elizabeth Gilbert saying “No this is not my age or time in life to be drinking gin 9 am in the morning.” oh. i love you both.

8. Cannot caption this one. Said with eloquence of a class, you have to read it!!!!!

“Words are imperfect and if we, believe in any larger power, God or the universe or whatever one would like to call it, should we not believe that he or she or it (damn he is so precise) couldn’t completely rely on these imperfect words. We have to understand their essence their heart without being ‘literal’. It is the spirit or the heart of the story that matters, not just the words or the clothing”

* fell in love *

9. Then this.

“The original tales have much more grey than they are credited for”

“I try to understand them (characters), I try to be their voice”

10. When he asked me if i wanted to take a selfie. i was just going to take an autograph, it is he who asked me if i wanted a personalized one and then he asked if i wanted a picture and then a selfie. What’s mesmerizing is not how he looks like, it’s the charisma, the projection of his aura and to tell you the truth, it’s his humility which wins your heart and makes him the hero.Reader, writer. Open minded, humanitarian. Simple, stupendous.

These are my notes, the ones i took while i witnessed the best 50 mins of the month. There might be some changes here and there. Bear with me sweethearts. :*

I don’t know

I don’t know what to do with the tranquility of the night
I don’t know what to do with the absence of you on my side
I count every second as the day passes away
But with every passing moment i wish that you would stay

Not long before i had you in my arms
And without you my eyes have lost all the charm
With every setting sun and with every rising moon
I wish i pray i beg that i could see you soon

I want to say good night i want to close my eyes
My breath full of despair my lips full of sighs
I don’t know what to do with the tranquility of the night
I don’t know what to do with the absence of you by my side

The Girl In Red Heels XIII

She was inside the board room.. I waited outside in the basement.. I was sweating profusely.. All the air conditioning in the world wasn’t enough. I had spent the whole Sunday working at home so that I could take a leave today. My thoughts were like a whirlwind in my head.. From the nervousness of the presentation to the unexpected encounter we had that Saturday night. I couldn’t just stop thinking about it. She is my friend. I have helped her all this while. I don’t want her to feel that I’m trying to get something out of this. “No”
The receptionist looked daggers at me.

An hour had passed. Where is she? Is there something wrong? All of a sudden there was a thud, the door opened.

“Tatiana!” She looked devastated, her cheek red, she had certainly cried. She didn’t utter a word. She kept walking until she collapsed on her red heels and I had to hold her.
“Baby?” And the moment I looked into her eyes she sobbed, she let out a loud howl I’ll never ever forget. My mind was running nuts. Nothing worked?

“Tatiana?”

“We’ve done it Zee! We’ve done it”

And I took her into a warm embrace. There were people ogling at us but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. We had won. She had got it. 

We got back home. She went to her apartment, I came to mine. We said our goodbyes. She was gone now. She took all the passion, all the enthusiasm away with her. Now what? Detachment. Detached from everything as I always was. Well.. It’s okay.. It was worth all the trouble. I had learnt a lot. I had a good time. I helped someone get what they want. That is what mattered.

At evening I went to the beach. Only the sea absorbs my feelings. These weird wandering feelings. The fact is that she had not left me thirsty or wanting for something. No it wasn’t that. Although it had been just six hours and I already missed her.

It was 8pm on a Monday evening. Hardly some crowd around. I removed my sandals as I walked. Ahh the sand felt like heaven under my feet..

“Well you dawned on me , you bet I felt it”I sang, my favourite song
“I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted, I felt right through the cracks and I’m trying to get back. Before the cool dawn run out I’d be giving it my bestest. Nothing’s gonna stop us but divine intervention. Ouch!!!!!!” Something had struck my leg! Hurts hurts hurts real bad!
THE RED HEEL! I felt dizzy. My phone rang.
“Hello” I said suppressing the ache
“Am I speaking to Mr. Zeeshan?”
“Yes” I wasn’t in any mood for any conversation
“You are a complete asshole. ”
“What!”
I looked up only to see Tatiana in front of me, smiling with one heel in her hand.
“Damn you” picking up the heel

We walked for almost half a kilometer in complete silence.
” I can’t . I can’t think of life without you. No I don’t feel like there are butterflies in my stomach. In fact I hate butterflies. Nobody plays the violin when you’re around and I don’t feel any fire burning stomach burning whatever! But yes I do feel I’m complete with you! That you could make me a better person! That I could love you from my soul needing, needing nothing in return. Only your happiness. I want to kiss every wound you ever had, look at every scar and tell you how beautiful it is and.. And let your strengths give me strength. ” I had said everything in a breath

What did I do! What the hell did I do!

She looked.. Blank.. Damn I felt I had screwed it wasn’t in my control anyway.
“I don’t like butterflies too!” She said and pulled into the best hug one could ever have. There was never a distance between our hearts. She always understood me, I was always there for her. Now there was no distance between our bodies. I felt her warm cheek against mine. She was happy. I was the happiest man alive.

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The Girl In Red Heels XII

My life had changed. Ever since i saw those red heels. I looked at this girl, my life had changed and i knew it was never gonna be the same.

Tatiana had a million problems but you know what’s unbeatable? The fact that she was capable of dealing with everything. Not only her academic excellence but also her ability to practically deal with risks posed by the market was precise and up-to-date. The girl had left me spell bound.

Every evening we would meet over coffee and discuss strategic plans. Every weekend we worked on presentations and ideas. The girl might have the elegance of Queen Elizabeth but Highness has the tongue of a nasty truck driver, her abuses can certainly take you to a state of shock.

Tatiana Singhal, the only heiress for the Singhal Group of Industries, daughter of the one and only Mahesh Singhal had unfortunately lost her mother at the age of five, her father being her world. She would often visit his office and was familiar with how the company works since a very young age. Mr. Singhal was not only proud but also grateful to have Tatiana in his life. As time passed Mr. Singhal would often feel lonely and found love again after twenty years of his wife’s demise in Priya Mehra who is an entrepreneur herself. Ever since Mrs. Mehra became a part of the family things changed. Mr Singhal believed that Priya would be a mother, would love Tatiana more than he ever could. All this to his disappointment she crept into the family and made Mr. Singhal believe that Tatiana’s social ideas were not only futile with respect to the company but also harmful. On the other hand Tatiana often looked at the company as her offspring and had nursed her in the very same way. Mr. Singhal after weeks of instigation asked Tatiana to stay back at home saying that ‘There isn’t any need for you to work, love. Why am i here? ‘

Hence, Tatiana had to prove herself. She needed no one. Nobody could stop her but herself. Days passed and so did months. I had something to look forward to. Her ambition had become mine, passion is a very contagious things. Some Saturday nights we would often stay up all night.

After a year and a half, we had finally some place to stand. We had studied the company’s previous records, customer feed backs, feed backs from manufacturing units and distributors and retailers. We also studied the state of the market and the changes in the same. Finally we had the report, we had the god damn report in our hand.

It was 1.01. Yes it was on a Saturday night when she finally copied the presentation carefully into her CD. There was a moment of silence. We had worked hard for it. Day and night. Months. We never went out. Never roamed around. We were focused and today in the middle of the the night the task had been accomplished.

“Coffee?” She asked me, her eyes twinkled but you could see all the tiredness on her face.

“Sure I need it” I laughed.

She quickly went to the coffee machine to set it up. I flipped through the pages. My mind went back to when i had met her.. How much i learnt from her. What i learnt from her was impeccable. The girl who seemed all bold and ‘i will crush the world’ was so warm inside. She wanted to do business but she didn’t want to plunder. She wanted her customers to be happy. The most important thing is.. She wanted her employees to be happy, their children to be happy. She had taken this whole thing to a new level. Yes she was using her brain to execute what her heart wanted, happiness for everyone.

No she wasn’t sad or empty. She was full of compassion and enthusiasm. She can make a dead man work. No. She didn’t need a knight in shining armor on the white horse. She didn’t need to be saved. In fact she could save the knight himself!

“Here” she handed me the coffee mug and sat next to me. i took a quick sip.

“Ouch!!” I winced.

“Careful stupid! ” she laughed as she looked into my eyes. One moment, one moment it took. And there i was kissing her, tears rolled down her cheek, every moment i spent with her came back as i felt the warm drop of tear between our cheek. She kissed me back with everything she had. We were tired we were exhausted but we were lost in the moment. All of a sudden i realized what was happening. I pulled back.

“I think we need to sleep” Tatiana said looking away

“Yeah I’ll sleep here on the couch” i said.

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